Facebook and The Chase

Here is a brief conundrum for you: How can one tell if someone is single? This used to be easy. When I was in college one of my friends used to say that, “people change relationships as often as they change socks.” And he was right, but that was a long time ago and I think it applies more to the early-twenties demographic.

Traditional wisdom for older guys, which is often passed from father to son, is ‘see if she has a ring on her finger.’ This approach has lasted the test of time but no longer. Just as it is fashionable for the very rich to dress casual, so too is it considered appropriate for a woman to not flaunt her relationship status.

So is there an approach that works for someone, say in their thirties and still single? The answer to that question lies with technology and the internet, specifically Facebook. What was once a tool limited to college students has become the ultimate networking tool; but you already know this story if you watched “The Social Network,” as millions already have.

As a networking site, the beauty of Facebook is that it allows people to convey bits and pieces about themselves, almost like a social blueprint of their ideas and interests. Of course part of that blueprint is whether or not someone is married, in a relationship, or single. And since the majority of people, especially those who grew up while Facebook unofficially took over MySpace, are on the Network, it makes sense to look here for simple yet relevant information about someone you might be romantically interested in. All you have to do is “friend” someone and it’s as if a Pandora’s Box has sprung open.

This makes my life easier. It limits the number of awkward, albeit brief, conversations one can have with a woman who quite simply is unavailable. But there’s the caveat here. Facebook lets you choose what information is visible on your profile, even to friends and many women have chosen to leave their relationship status blank. I don’t know why. Maybe they like being hit on. Maybe it’s just carelessness. All I know is that it’s annoying.

To be fair, I have been trained as a journalist. I like the truth and I don’t stand for censorship. Self-censorship is by far the most frustrating occurrence in my day-to-day life. There must be something glamorous about the idea of being sought after and being part of “the chase,” and this applies not just to women but to men as well. Still, it is perplexing at best.

There is no question the internet has watered down relationships, often taking away the personal element. And please don’t misunderstand me, talking is great; I love a good conversation but what really frustrates me is when I’m being led on. Being in a relationship can be isolating, especially when it comes to making new friends with members of the opposite sex. But that, my friends, is a choice we all make and live with.

Talking with anyone of the opposite sex can be a gamble but having to ask them point-blank whether or not they are single is just plain awkward and adds insult to injury. Looking back at Facebook as the answer, however, there are other ways of surmising if someone is single such as looking at wall postings and photographs. But that is all very cumbersome. And in the end you could still be wrong.

This might just be part of being a guy in his thirties who is single. Maybe it’s just bad luck. Or it might be all about the chase which never ends.

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